Popular relationship coach and lead pastor of David’s Christian Centre, Kingsley Okonkwo, has sparked a debate on social media after charging men to raise their standards and stop marrying women who are “liabilities.”
In a series of posts shared via his official X (formerly Twitter) handle on Sunday, the cleric argued that the growing lack of interest in marriage among men stems from the perception of the institution as a financial burden rather than a partnership.
He wrote, “Men, it’s high time we start having standards as well. You guys are too used to women who are liabilities, that’s why less and less men desire marriage, they see it as a burden.
“Men set standards like you won’t marry broke women too, that you want a partner and not a dependent, maybe it will make more women work and not see marriage and dating as a poverty alleviation scheme.”
Addressing the religious and social implications of the current trend, Okonkwo described the expectation for men as “unbiblical” and “damaging.”
He noted that while women “brazenly insist on rich men,” men must also “insist on working women who will contribute.”
The cleric did not spare men who intentionally seek out vulnerable partners to exert power, attributing this behaviour to fragile egos.
“Yes, I know some of you men like the needy, hungry and dependent women because it boosts your ego and helps you control women, but it’s doing more harm than good. All humans have value and abilities; let them develop it,” he cautioned.
His posts have since triggered a mix of support and criticism from Nigerians.
Supporting the pastor’s view, a user identified as #digitalbimpe commented, “I can never be a liability to my man. Inasmuch as I want my man to take care of me, I also will take care of my man. To be a man is not easy.”
Similarly, Ibukun Ogunsola, who tweets as #IbukunHQ, noted that if men made it clear they wanted partners, not dependants, “it might push more women to work for themselves rather than rely on dating for financial support.”
However, critics argued that the “provider” role remains a male responsibility, as #blueasake countered, “The man’s responsibility is to provide, lead, and protect… The woman’s role is to birth kids, nurture, comfort and teach. Why then are men so quick to label a woman a liability if she is not co-providing yet?”
Another user, #edolefty, slammed the narrative as a way for men to avoid their responsibilities while still expecting domestic labour.
“If a woman without money is a liability, then a man who needs his wife’s salary to afford marriage is also a liability. What you are preaching isn’t standards, it’s men looking for wives who will split bills and still perform unpaid wife duties,” the user wrote.
As the debate continued, Queen David, who tweets as #Royalvessel, offered a middle ground, stating, “Both men and women should marry someone who contributes, be it work, taking care of the children, cooking and cleaning, etc., it’s a partnership. Also, you both agree on what works for you in your marriage.”
